The Liberating Effect of Inevitable Failure

You’re down 51-0, ball at midfield, third and short, about 10 seconds left on the clock and you’ve just taken your last time out. Besides wondering how you got in this predicament or why you took this coaching job in the first place, what do you do?

You have no chance whatsoever to win this game. None. Nada. Zilch. Less than zero. Even something on a par with the miracle comeback of the “Heidi” game will not pull this one out. So, whattheheck, put in your third-stringers, there’s no reason why everyone shouldn’t share in the humiliation. Of course, if you’re been playing them for awhile, that might explain your problem.

A loss is a loss is a loss on the stat sheets. Margin of victory only matters on the asinine BCS poll. And there’s no column in the standings for negative style points. So what you do doesn’t matter, right?

Wrong.

It doesn’t matter in terms of winning or losing this game, but what you do now MATTERS. It matters to your players, your dozen or so fans who haven’t left yet, but, most of all, it should matter to you. Ponder this while I digress.

The lore of so many cultures is filled with tales of the actions of those doomed to fail or die. The 300 Spartans, the Charge of the Light Brigade, the 47 Ronin, and the Alamo are all examples of grand gestures despite overwhelming odds and inevitable failure. We remember them better than the winning side, don’t we?

You’re probably wondering what this has to do with being short, fat, ugly, or old, right? Here’s the point…

The other day I was standing in line ordering take-out. An amazingly beautiful girl got in line behind me. And by using the word “girl” I mean no disrespect whatsoever. If I’m theoretically old enough to be your grandfather, then, in my eyes, you’re a girl… unless you’re a guy, of course.

Let’s be real — the best I can hope for in an encounter with her would be the absence of intervention by Law Enforcement. Realizing this, after we both ordered our food, I turned to her and said, “Hi. How are you?” The conversation took off from there. We discussed the virtues of this eatery and all the usual small talk two strangers would engage in. When we got our respective orders, I helped her wrap up her stuff and put it in a bag. And when we were done, I said it was a pleasure meeting her, and started to walk away. For just a brief moment, she had this look like she was disappointed I didn’t stay longer.

For me, this was a victory. I felt great for days afterwards. And it was all because, since I knew I could not succeed, that I was utterly and totally without fear in talking to her.

So friends, if you’re going to go for something difficult, assume that you’re going to fail. What impression do you want to leave behind? What effect do you have on others? How do you want to be remembered?  You DO WANT to be remembered, don’t you?

Going for a job interview? Don’t let your nervousness or your need to get the job get in your way. Be the amazingly interesting person that’s not on your resume.

Pitching a story to a network exec? Assume he’s going to pass, don’t worry about the sale, just worry about being impressive.

Having dinner with your in-laws? After all these years, do they still hate you and there’s nothing you can do to change their mind? Then wear that slinky red low-cut number with a slit up to there. Be sure to warn your wife in advance, however.

Do you get my point? Fail magnificently, go down to defeat with originality, and die heroically. And if you’re going to die, be sure to take a few of those bastards on the other side with you.

A few rules, however. Maintain your class and dignity. Don’t be mean (unless you’re outnumbered in a fistfight). Be sincere. If you think a woman is heart-stoppingly beautiful, tell her, “When I saw you, time and my heart stopped.” But don’t deliver a “line.” Expect to fail. You’d be amazed at how liberating this can be.

So back to your mission as a football coach. What do you do? Razzle-dazzle? Flea flicker? Hail Mary? Turn and punt in the opposite direction?  Just don’t take a knee. No one will remember that and you will have blown a golden opportunity.

Do. Something. Amazing.

I have some friends out there with a scholarly bent, who like to study lore, culture, and story.  Okay, I have ONE such friend out there (I’m talking to you, PJS).  All one of you, feel free to further examine this concept. It’s strong stuff upon which so many legends are based. I’d appreciate it if you mentioned me in your future dissertations on this subject. But I’m done talking about this for now…

I’ve got a lot of failing to do.